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Sometimes, a 22-year-old from Los Angeles believes he is “the most exceptional individual alive”. Having received an NPD diagnosis, his periods of extreme self-importance often turn “really delusional”, he states. You’re riding high and you think, ‘People will see that I stand above others … I’m destined for greatness for the world’.”

For Spring, these episodes of self-aggrandisement are often succeeded by a “sudden low”, a period when he feels sensitive and self-conscious about his actions, rendering him especially susceptible to disapproval from those around him. He began to think he might have narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) after looking up his traits on the internet – and subsequently diagnosed by a professional. But, he questions he would have accepted the diagnosis unless he had independently formed that realization on his own. “If you try to tell somebody that they have the condition, {they’ll probably deny it|denial is a common response|they’re likely to reject it,” he comments – especially if they harbor a sense of being better. They inhabit a fantasy reality that they’ve constructed. And that world is like, No one compares to me and {nobody can question me|no one should doubt me|my authority is absolute.”

Clarifying Narcissistic Personality Disorder

Though people have been identified with narcissism for decades, definitions vary what is meant by the term. People frequently term everybody a narcissist,” explains a psychology professor, who believes the word is “applied too broadly” – but when it comes to a formal diagnosis, he notes many people keep it private, due to significant negative perception associated with the illness. Someone with NPD will tend to have “a heightened sense of self”, “impaired compassion”, and “a tendency to exploit relationships to seek admiration through actions such as displaying material goods,” the specialist explains. Those with NPD may be “extremely narcissistic”, to the point that {“they’re not able to hold down stable relationships|“their jobs are damaged|“they have a distorted view of reality,” he states.

I never truly valued about anyone really, so I didn’t invest in relationships seriously

Gender Differences in Narcissism

Though a significant majority of people diagnosed with the condition are males, findings points out this statistic does not mean there are fewer narcissistic women, but that women with NPD is more often presented in the vulnerable narcissism type, which is often overlooked. “Men’s narcissism tends to be more socially permissible, just kind of like everything in society,” says an individual who discusses her co-occurring conditions on digital platforms. It’s fairly common, the two disorders are comorbid.

Individual Challenges

It’s hard for me with dealing with feedback and rejection,” she explains, “because if I hear that the problem is me, I often enter a defensive state or I withdraw entirely.” Even with this response – which is known as “ego wounding”, she has been trying to overcome it and listen to guidance from her loved ones, as she doesn’t want to slip into the damaging patterns of her previous life. I used to be manipulative to my partners as a teenager,” she states. Via therapeutic interventions, she has been able to reduce her narcissistic traits, and she explains she and her significant other “maintain an agreement where we’ve agreed, ‘Should I make a harmful comment, when I use toxic language, point it out {right then and there|immediately|in the moment’.”

Her upbringing primarily in the care of her father and explains there was an absence of positive role models as a child. I’ve had to teach myself continuously the difference between suitable or harmful to say in conflicts because I never had that growing up,” she says. “Nothing was off-limits when my relatives were belittling me in my early years.”

Underlying Factors of Narcissistic Traits

Conditions like NPD tend to be connected with difficulties as a child. Genetics play a role,” says a mental health specialist. But, when someone develops narcissistic traits, it is often “tied to that person’s unique upbringing”. Those traits were “a survival tactic in some ways to manage during childhood”, he adds, when they may have been ignored, or only shown love that was conditional on meeting specific standards. They then “rely on those familiar tactics as adults”.

Like several of the NPD-diagnosed people, a person from Leeds thinks his parents “may be narcissists themselves”. The individual shares when he was a child, “everything was all about them and their work and their social life. So it was like, stay out of our way.” When their focus was on him, it came in the form of “a great amount of pressure” to achieve good grades and career success, he recalls, which made him feel that if he didn’t fulfill their expectations, he wasn’t “worthy.

As he grew older, none of his relationships were successful. Emotional investment was lacking about anyone really,” he says. As a result, relationships weren’t relationships seriously.” He felt incapable of forming deep connections, until he met his current partner of three years, who is also dealing with a personality disorder, so, in a comparable situation, has difficulty with emotional regulation. She is “highly empathetic of the internal struggles in my head”, he notes – it was in fact, her who first suspected he might have NPD.

Accessing Support

Subsequent to a consultation to his general practitioner, John was referred to a therapist for an assessment and was informed of his condition. He has been put forward for talking therapy through national services (a long period of therapy is the primary approach that has been shown to help NPD patients, clinicians explain), but has been on the waiting list for 18 months: “They said it is likely to occur maybe February or March next year.”

John has only told a small circle about his condition, because “prejudice is common that all narcissists are abusers”, but, privately, he has accepted it. The awareness assists me to understand myself better, which is always a good thing,” he comments. Those interviewed have acknowledged their condition and are seeking help for it – leading them to be open to talk about it – which is possibly not the norm of all people with the diagnosis. But the presence of online advocates and the development of online support communities suggest that {more narcissists|a growing number